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The Delivery of a Message

Im going to start this off with quote that I had heard a couple days after I got diagnosed recently, and I feel like the timing of hearing the quote couldn’t have been more perfect for me.

The quote goes “sometimes the messenger needs to become the message”. 

March 25, 2024 at 14:20 was a moment in my life that will change my life forever, it will always be a huge turning point in my story. Back in October of 2023 On the 17th it was just another normal day for me. I woke up got ready for work did my hour and fifteen minute commute only to get in my work truck and start my day. The day was great weather for Colorado, partly cloudy with sunshine and a perfect day to drive with the windows down. Everything had been going normal as the day before nothing out of the ordinary and I was heading up north to pick up a client. As I was driving on the Interstate I started to notice I had smelled a very strong chemical and was staring to feel light headed. I rolled the windows all the way down in my truck and stuck my head slightly out the window to breathe in the crisp air and get the smell out of my nose, only problem was it was getting stronger. Next thing I know I start feeling the world spinning and the lanes in front of me were doubled and crossed. I immediately pulled the truck off to the side of the road stepped out of the truck to get away from the smell, and was burning up. I took my flannel off and sat on the side of the truck away from traffic trying to control my breathing and focus. But the harder I tried to regain my vision and focus the worse I was getting. I then called my buddy told him exactly where I was and that I needed to go to the hospital immediately, and that if I was not there when he arrived I had called an ambulance. After I hung up with him I started a timer on my watch and kept a eye on my heart rate with the smart watch I was wearing. As I sat there controlling my breathing with normal inhales and long exhales trying to get my heart rate down as it was in the 115-120 bpm range at resting. He finally arrived, I went to get up and walk to his truck and thats when everything took a major turn. I was fading in and out trying to walk the maybe 15 feet to his truck. I got in told him to take mew to the nearest hospital, and then began repeating out loud my symptoms and current medical issues I have, because I was fighting consciousness and wanted him to be able to provide the ER any details he could if I arrived unconscious. When we arrived to the ER I was not able to hold my body weight and couldn’t feel the left side of my body. They put me in a wheel chair and I don’t remember a whole lot after entering the doors. I kept coming to with a bunch of nurses and doctors putting patches on me, taking scans, shining lights in my eyes, and asking questions that I could answer briefly with a yes and no. I was definitely scared as I had no Idea what was happening to me. 

As I started to come back to I noticed my arm and shoulders were contracting uncontrollably and I couldn’t open my hand. I looked at the doctor and he told me I need to “calm down” he thought I was having a panic attack. I replied to him stating I don’t have panic attacks and do not suffer from anxiety. He said that he wanted to have me do a MRI and I didn’t want to but ended up understanding the importance of it so decided to go ahead with it. After the MRI I was beyond exhausted from all the commotion and still could feel the world spinning and the room was just moving around me in circles. They ended up keeping me over night to monitor me. The next morning was when a different doctor came in my room with some uneasy news. They had told me they had found some stuff in my brain in several areas and need to see a neurologist immediately and as for the smell it was just a hallucination.  Over the next three and a half weeks I was using a cane to assist myself with walking, could not drive myself anywhere and needed help with everyday routine things from my girlfriend who was there for me the whole time helping me along the way. Fast forward six months to March 25, 2024 I got the diagnosis of Multiple sclerosis also known as MS. This was a bitter sweet day for me, as I had been experiencing symptoms for the past year but kept putting them off as if they were nothing until last October when I was hospitalized. I was glad to at least have a answer for all the times of uncertainty and question of my sanity to say the least. But upset to have been told I have it, as its some tough news to hear.  We are currently going through the process of beginning my therapy plan to help manage my symptoms and slow down the progression of the disease as there is no cure for it.

Thats where this quote means a lot to me. For those of you who have been reading my material or been following me on the different social platforms understand what YOS means to me. YOUR OWN STORY, I have always talked about how even in the dark times it is up to you to determine how you react or respond to the situation can make a big difference on the outcome. I’m not saying that if I am overly positive about this diagnosis it will cure it self or just go away. What I am saying in my situation, is that I got some bad news that seriously is a turning point in my lifestyle and my health, yet I have a mindset that has been molded to be able to take information like this differently than I would have ten years ago. I am not saying that it is easy to hear or accept, but I’m also not saying this is a rock bottom for me. I feel as though this was allowed in my life because it is something I can handle. Maybe this is God’s plan on using me to reach other broken people or push down a different path of life that will impact peoples lives and stories. Either way I am prepared to walk down this road and see what challenges are ahead and do my absolute best to conquer each one. So now after all the years I have been the messenger to you about picking yourself up even in the low times and continuing to push through all aspects of pain to better yourself, I now am a message, a living being set out to be an example to you about all the things I have talked about. I am going to continue to try to be the best version of my self every day and hold myself accountable for you as my audience and myself. I super exciting to have you all apart of my journey and this new chapter in my life. I love hearing from you all and so glad that being transparent with you makes a difference in your story, because it definitely makes one in mine.

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